I Can Still Be A Little Boy...........

You know so many of my friends ask me how I do it , get through this waiting and dealing with my cancer , and it everlasting fears. At times , I not sure what to say, but understand that they have that fear as well, but, its coined on the other side. They, want to feel , and touch the real aspects and try to experience the feeling that come with having it.  I have to turn to them and say,  “That’s a road you don’t want to travel”.

  But, I have made it more creative and some ways  fun at times. I pretend I’m 8 years old again. And that I’m the Agent 99, and on mission to save the world from  the Under World Chaos,  from Get Smart. I enter the elevators of steel at the hospital (because there’s radiation down there), and imagine that I will be briefed on the current disorder.  Assigned a new mission, I am told that they need me to be outfitted with the latest of gadgets and that I will have to go to special operations department.

 That’s where the MRI comes in. I am ordered to lay down and injected with a mixture of anti viral / vaccines to help me through the mission. I lay down and they start to work on me, with the new gadgets  and bells. I notice that blue line that in front of me, knowing that I’m about to have my mind erased. Then the ongoing noise of the machine, and the tech asking me if I’m comfortable. I know that the moment is to come to an end soon, to get on with living my life.

 I come out of the machine, and then feeling better to have gotten through it, taking pause to the fact that it still isn’t over is it? That this is a part of my life now.  It takes a time on me, but, I really think about the past two years and that I’m here, with all that I have and earned . 

  So, I get my passport again and go on to the next mission, that place that takes me to where I am now. Walking out the doors, and glancing at a little boy, at that age of 8 yrs.  And wondering , how will he get through his mission?   I hope the same way I had too. With as much courage, and bravery , that I sometimes struggle with.  I nod my head and wink, and he smiles.  And I pray for him. I know he’ll be strong.

 So, I dedicate this to little boy that lives inside of anyone, when you have to be brave and strong.